"I Hate You--Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality"

Today, I have another first for this blog--nonfiction! What is this blog coming to? AJ, you've only ever blog reviewed fiction and fantasy fiction! What's going on? Eh, curiosity: it happens. I'm actually rather impressed with myself--I've read three, almost 300 page books in the past week and a half. Granted, I'm a quick reader, but not nearly as quick as some, and usually I just get through 20-50 pages at a time. This past week or so, I've been sitting down for 100+ page stints. I'm feeling rather accomplished.

Now, if you want to talk fast readers, you should see my mother! Woman can read a few 500+ page books in the matter of a few days. And it has nothing to do with motivation or time, she just reads astonishingly quickly. If she and I were to read the same book, side by side, we'd hit a point where she got 10-15 pages ahead of me in the first hour, and by the end of the second, she'd probably be more like 50-100 pages ahead of me. It's really, astonishingly impressive. And it always gets me a bit miffed, as I learned to read, comparatively, ages before she did! But she'll beat me in a speed contest any day, and what's more, is she holds onto the details of the book much better than I, though she spends less time with it. Infuriating!

Anyways, I'm doing some research for a character I'm writing that I've been thinking of them having Borderline Personality Disorder. Psychology and particularly BPD and other personality disorders really interest me and I love working with psychological themes in my writing. So today's review is of "I Hate You--Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality" by Jerold J. Kreisman, MD., and Hal Straus.

2010 Paperback Edition, updated from the 1989 edition, published by Penguin Group Inc. 

Summary: "For years BPD was difficult to describe, diagnose, and treat. But with this classic guide, Dr. Jerold J. Kreisman and health writer Hal Straus offer much-needed professional advice, helping victims and their families understand and cope with this troubling, shockingly widespread affliction. This completely revised and updated edition includes information on the genetic, and developmental roots of the disorder, as well as the connections between BPD and substance abuse, sexual abuse, post-traumatic stress disorder, ADHD, and eating disorders, making it a vital reference for understanding and living with BPD" (from back cover of 2010 edition). 

This was one of the first books published on Borderline Personality Disorder back in 1989 and in 2010 it was updated to include up-to-date research, studies, and info. It's said to be one of the books to read on the disorder.

Reading reviews of the book on Goodreads, there were a lot of claims that the writers were sexist and the book was completely unhelpful. Most of those reviews were posted on the 1989 edition, which I have not read. In the 2010 edition, however, I did notice something in the case studies presented to the reader: while the authors did attempt to include male case studies, those presented were almost all of middle-aged men with little physical description included--the female case studies presented, however, were almost all of a younger age and were described as "physically attractive" or pretty. This presented only a mild problem to me, as I found the rest of the book to be extremely helpful and informative.

The book is separated into 10 chapters that outline the life of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, the means of diagnoses, the possibilities of the development of the disorder, communication methods, treatment methods, and medication options. Of these, I found Chapter 2, which outlines the specifications of BPD in the DSM; Chapter 4, which outlines societal effects on people with BPD; Chapter 5, which outlines strategies on how best to communicate with someone who has BPD; and Chapter 8, which outlines the specific therapeutic approaches to BPD to be the most helpful to me and to my purposes. There's also a great appendix (esp. Appendix B) that lays out the evolution of the disorder, historically, which I found very, very interesting.

I have done some research on BPD in the past, so much of this information was not necessarily new to me. There was a fantastic section, as I mentioned, on the societal influence on BPD that I bookmarked and wanted to share:

"Some of these [societal changes since WW2] may be related to society's failure to achieve a kind of 'social rapprochement.' As noted in chapter 3, during the separation-individuation phase, the infant ventures cautiously away from mother but returns to her reassuring warmth, familiarity, and acceptance. Disruption of this rapprochement cycle often results in a lack of trust, disturbed relationships, emptiness, anxiety, and an uncertain self-image--characteristics that make up the borderline syndrome. Similarly, it may be seen that contemporary culture interferes with a healthy 'social rapprochement' by obstructing access to comforting anchors. At no time has this disruption been more evident than in the first decade of the twenty-first century, racked as it has been by economic collapse, recession, loss of jobs, foreclosures, and so on. In most areas of the country, the need for two incomes to maintain a decent standard of living forces many parents to relinquish parenting duties to others; paid parental leave or on-site day care for new parents is still relatively rare and almost always limited [and, as my roommate pointed out to me, usually only available to those who could afford an off-site babysitter/daycare]. Jobs, as well as economic and social pressures, encourage frequent moves, and this geographical mobility, in turn, removes us from our stabilizing roots...We are losing (or have already lost) the comforts of neighborly nearby family and consistent social roles" (pg 81, 2010 edition).

Hopefully you're still with me--I know that's a long passage, but it was one of the most intriguing parts of the book. I hadn't considered the role society might have on a personality disorder. There was also a good bit of...I won't call it raging per say, but noting aggressively of the newly changed role of the mother in current society: that so often, women are now expected to juggle marriage, children, and a job and (the writers noted) this frequent diversion of attention can lead to a neglect of the children, as fathers often have their own jobs to worry about and don't spend as much time taking care of the children as much as they "should." I'm certainly not making any sort of judgment here--I personally felt very conflicted during those sections; it's true that a woman's role has altered in a way that doesn't change her "duties" but rather adds to them. I was raised to believe that a woman should go to college and get a job and be able to provide for herself without any support from family or a spouse/partner. Yet there is some evidence that having so much on her plate, a mother (or mother figure, if you prefer) doesn't have as much time as she "should" to pay attention to her children and this has an adverse affect on them. The conclusion I finally came to is that the mother figure needs to build up a support system--father figure, family, friends, etc.--to help her maintain her offspring and give growing kids the support they need. But you can draw your own conclusions. 

Anyway! See, this is what happens when I read non-fiction! I try to have opinions and such and want to start arguments! Oh no!

Overall rating: 4/5 Stars. I had issues with the case studies presented describing females as "attractive" when it wasn't necessary and with the discussion of the effects of the changing of "traditional" family roles. (Good Lord, how many quotations must I have used in this post!) However, outside of those things, I found the book to be appropriately informative and interesting. It makes no specific recommendations, but rather lays out all medication and therapy/treatment options, as well as discussing how someone comes to develop BPD, and the best strategies (they have) to communicate with someone who shows BPD symptoms. I would recommend this book to those diagnosed, and friends and family of those diagnosed--I think the treatment options, the communication chapter, and the resource appendix make this book absolutely worth reading!

News on me, for those interested: I'm still jobless, but I'm preparing as best I can for the upcoming holiday season! I'm still struggling a little with the holiday season as I adapt to new traditions, but I think I'm doing pretty well overall. This year, I will cook my first major holiday meal. I honestly thought I would be much, much older when my time came to do so, but here I am, preparing anxiously! Wish me luck! I'm just glad my years of Scandinavian Christmas lutefisk is over! For the duration of my childhood, you had to eat three bites of lutefisk or Santa wouldn't come! Do you have any crazy Christmas traditions like that? Let me know in the comments below! And let me know what you think of this post or if you have any recommendations for me!

I'm actually ahead in blog posts right now. As I write this, I have a post scheduled for the 21st (which for me, is tomorrow!) and this one should be coming out for the 28th. I'm hoping to continue this thread and keep a book review coming out every Friday if I can. Obviously this will only be possible my schedule permitting, but being ahead by two weeks, currently, should definitely help! So expect to see those!

Happy reading and Merry Christmas to you!
AJ

Related Book Reviews:
Two or Three Things I Forgot to Tell You, by Joyce Carol Oates 

Upcoming reviews:
Get Me Out of Here: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder, by Rachel Reiland

"Two or Three Things I Forgot to Tell You" by Joyce Carol Oates

Young adult fiction. Ugh. I was never much of a reader of young adult fiction, even when I fit the appropriate age group. Here's something you should understand about me as a reader: I'm a book snob, an absolute and total snob. I'm very into...older fiction, I don't like a lot of newer fiction, so when I find an author I like, I will read every book written by them and really get into the time period, and the author's life, etc. I could never seem to relate to young adult fiction, but here I am.

How did I come to pick this book up? I was looking up some books about Borderline Personality Disorder and self-injury at the library and this book came up. Usually, I only read young adult novels when they cover a subject I'm interested in, such as psychological disorders/symptoms. So that's how I stumbled upon Joyce Carol Oates' "Two or Three Things I Forgot to Tell You".

Copyright 2012, Hardback, The Ontario Review, Inc., HarperCollins Publishers.

Summary: After the death of a school friend, Tink, two girls Merissa and Nadia struggle with their respective lives, self-esteem, love, and social issues. Merissa struggles with self-injury as her parents go through a divorce and Nadia has to face her fears when she falls in love with a teacher at her prep school.

I won't lie: I wasn't a big fan of this book. I've read Young Adult fiction featuring self-injury and self-esteem issues in the past, and this just didn't measure up to others that I've read, like "Cut" by Patricia McCormick and "The Luckiest Girl in the World" by Steven Levenkron. Though, it should be noted that the difference between those novels and this one is that "Two or Three Things" features self-injury but is not actually about self-injury. But I'll get to my criticism of that.

Upsides: I will give the book this--it depicts social and personal issues that young people go through in high school pretty accurately and in a painfully  honest way. The writing is done in such a way that I think high school and middle school students would be able to relate to it. Had I read this book in 9th or 10th grade, I might have enjoyed it a lot more, but reading it as a 22 year old, it wasn't marketed for someone my age, clearly.

Downsides: I absolutely hated the way the book began. Oates starts us off with Merissa's story line and for several chapters, introduces us to Merissa by showing us how wonderful her academic life is and how everyone is so jealous of her super perfect life. Starting this way didn't give me a good impression of Merissa or of any of her friends. She seemed to me so whiney and I just wanted her perspective to shut up. As we go on, her point of view begins to make more sense, but those first five chapters or so really got me, at least, off on the wrong foot with the main character. I think my biggest problem with this book is that there isn't really any actual plot. It's a supposed to be a story of personal growth, I believe, and Merissa and Nadia are supposed to overcome their respective challenges with the help from their recently deceased friend, Tink. The way the book is publicized, you'd think the book was about Tink, but the character is only a foil for the others. And supposedly, by the end, these characters have overcome their difficulties magically all on their own, and I honestly have to say it just doesn't seem plausible. Like I mentioned, there wasn't a whole lot plot and I really wanted there to be. You can have a book without plot if there's a great personal growth story, but lacking both, the book really disappointed me.

Overall Rating: 2/5 Stars: I thought this book needed a lot more plot, a lot more development, and a lot more conclusion. It did a good job of describing the sensations surrounding self-injury, the anxiety that comes from a lack of self-esteem in high school, and the problems that come with a difficult home life. But outside of these good points, the book was lacking a lot and I would not recommend it to anyone as far as a young adult book depicting social struggles and self-injury. The alternatives I mentioned earlier in this post are books I would recommend for you if you're interested in that kind of genre.

Happy reading everybody!
AJ

"Clouds of Witness" by Dorothy L. Sayers

Well, I'm tired, I've got a cough, and there's a bunch of snow on the ground! So, it must be time for a book review, right? On these chilly winter days/nights, I spend a lot of time reading. Especially since both of my roommates and many of my friends are all so bus, I have a lot of time to myself to read. I've also been trying to read a lot of books I check out from the library, which is something I'm...not so good at...Usually I check books out from the library and then they sit around my house till they're two weeks overdue and then I really want to read them, but I have to return them to the library and then I regret not reading them and I check them out again. It's a vicious circle. But I've been doing a pretty good job of ACTUALLY reading library books before having to return them, so I'm proud of myself.

Today, I give you another Dorothy L. Sayers book "Clouds of Witness"

Hardback, 1927, The Dial Press Edition

Summary: Lord Peter Wimsey has taken a holiday when he finds his valet, unexpectedly, packing Wimsey's things. Bunter has seen in the paper that Wimsey's brother has been arrested for the murder of his sister's fiance. Stuck between a rock and a hard place, Lord Peter tackles the case of this murder with the purpose of absolving his brother, but in the process, he finds he may find a disagreeable truth in his sister or in family friends.

Well, I enjoyed this quite a bit. I actually read a good deal of this novel in one sitting, but then had a busy week and slowly had to finish it. I really love books from this time period--roughly 1900-1950. There's something about that particular period in time for literature that I absolutely go ga-ga over. This is the fifth Peter Wimsey mystery I've read, and I've loved them all. I'm eating them up!

Upsides: I adore Wimsey's character and I have to mention how consistent Sayers is with him throughout the series of books. He has a very flippant nature in the pre-Vane books (he does get a bit more serious in those books, but I think I would be more serious too when trying to convince the woman I love to marry me!), and it makes him so lovable! As I've mentioned in past reviews, I think these books are a great window to the Zeitgeist of the 1920s. In this book, Wimsey has a few run-ins with the communist party. Don't think that the book is all about politics, but it's interesting to see Wimsey attend a dinner party at the communist lodge and try to crash a meeting. I think the pacing in this book is done particularly well and there aren't any real slow points in momentum. Even when Wimsey and his policeman friend Chief Inspector Parker get stumped on the case, there is sill a lot going on that made the book interesting. I think the book has a fantastic, hysterical ending, that I will not spoil for you! And of course, the Sayers' writing style is very defined and captivating.

Downsides: I don't have a lot for this column, I must confess. One thing that always annoys me in older books, such as this one, is the use of foreign languages, such as Latin or French. Of course, the writer has no way of knowing that in our society, we will give up a worldwide teaching of these languages and move to Chinese, Spanish, and Arabic, but it's frustrating to me to find a passage in French that it's assumed I'll understand! Then I have to take a moment to go onto Google Translate to figure out what the passage means (which I then write into the book--library or no--for future reading/readers) which breaks up the flow of the book. At least I feel like I'm learning something! Other than that, I was a bit bummed that Sayers seemed to be setting up Chief Inspector Parker up for a crush on Lord Peter's sister Mary, but nothing fully came to fruition. Perhaps in the next book.

Overall rating 5/5 All the different witnesses, accomplices, suspects, and theories really make this book a joy to read! It's not a hugely long book, like "Gaudy Night" is, so if you're looking for a mystery you can make your way through somewhat quickly, this is a great book! There's just the right amount of action packed into this novel, the right amount of psychological drama, the right amount of suspense, and the right amount of total confusion. I loved the pacing and length of this book, as well as the character development in it! I think if you're a fan of the murder mystery this is a must-read for you! 

Read my other Dorothy L. Sayers book reviews! Links are below:
Gaudy Night
Have His Carcase
Unnatural Death 

Just a quick update, I'm reading some non-fiction, some memoirs, and *GASP* some young adult fiction. And for me to read young-adult fiction is a bit of a shock, if you know me! I've never been much of a fan of the genre, even during my time as a young adult, so in a few days, we should have a special review of that coming up as I'm just soaring through the book.

I also wanted to share this image:

The Reduced Shakespeare Company shared this image on their Facebook page and I had to laugh and share it with my fellow book lovers.

Happy Reading!
AJ

"Gaudy Night" by Dorothy L. Sayers

Hello readers!

I think I may have a job by January! There's a place in Seattle that's very interested in hiring me and are just waiting to figure out their budget for 2013 to let me know for sure. So I'm allowing myself to get a little bit excited for that. Other than that, not much personal going on in my life. I've been watching a lot of Food Network and old tv shows, and durdling around, mostly. 

I have no excuse for taking so long with this book. I've been watching more television than I should and reading a lot less than I have been the past couple of months. I think I got through books that were quite a bit longer than this one in much less time, but I was savoring!

Today's review is: "Gaudy Night" by Dorothy L. Sayers.

I checked this copy of "Gaudy Night" out from the library, the 1936 edition from Harper & Brothers. Don't you love my mood lighting? I like to read with ambiance (and tea)!

I've been really taking this time with this book, because I really love Dorothy L. Sayers and I really wanted to relax into this book. It's actually my first read of it, though I've been listening to a dramatization of it for awhile. I was surprised to see how long the book was (at 469 pages, not really that long, but still!) considering that the dramatization lasted less than two hours. Before I read the book, I was really impressed with the dramatization and I loved it and thought it must be very in-depth accurate to the book, and it comes very, very close. But, I have to say, I don't think I'll ever enjoy it in quite the same way 'cause it left so many things out!

Anyways, on to the book itself!!

By the way, in case you aren't a historian or a Jeopardy contestant, a Gaudy Night is a kind of celebration held at colleges, like a class reunion; they usually include a formally attended feast and can also include lectures, concerts, chapel, etc. 

Summary (excerpt from the inside cover): "Harriet Vane had gone back to Oxford University for the Gaudy Dinner, equipped with a suitable evening dress. She was welcomed back by her friends of college days and found that, with a very few exceptions, she was delighted with the reunions. Many of her acquaintances asked her about Lord Peter (Wimsey of Balliol, as he had been known in earlier days). 'Do tell us about him. He must be perfectly charming, if he's at all like his photographs.' 'I worked with him over one case,' Harriet said. She didn't want to keep discussing him. Then, one day at lunch, she found a piece of folded paper in the sleeve of her college gown. There was a message on the paper cut from bits of newsprint: YOU DIRTY MURDERESS, AREN'T YOU ASHAMED TO SHOW YOUR FACE..." This was the first of many poisoned pen letters sent not just to Harriet, but to the entire college. The Dean called her back to campus to ask for her assistance in apprehending the culprit of these notes before something serious takes place.

Upsides: I love Sayers' writing style so much; I don't think I'll ever quite get over her style. I like that the book takes place at a women's college in the early 1900s and that there's a lot of commentary on female academia. This could be simply a personal preference, but I dearly love books that give me a view of how things were during a different time. As a woman, I appreciated the difficulties the college went through in trying to keep a professional face on the university while hiding the fact that they were being tormented by a poison pen writer. So, I found that very interesting. The ending is fantastic, you will not be disappointed! It was nice, for a change (at least compared to the Sayers' novels I have read), to not know at all who the culprit is; in other novels I've read by Sayers', the culprit has been assumed and eventually apprehended, and I had no idea throughout the book, until the very, very end who the guilty party was, which I find to be a definite upside! Having read almost all the books where Harriet Vane and Peter Wimsey interact, I really enjoy watching their relationship deepen and develop even more and watching Harriet really consider whether or not she should marry Peter. I also enjoyed how many people were in play (i.e. under suspicion) at any given time--it made the novel very nicely complicated and added a lot of beautiful tension to the whole situation.

Downsides: I will say that the first few chapters are very slow; during this time Harriet returns for the Gaudy and reunites with a lot of her college friends and Sayers' reacquaints the reader with Harriet's past and establishes the roles of the various professors (aka dons) of the university, which is important, but not necessarily interesting. There are times throughout the novel where the pacing could be better, but while it is slow, it isn't at all dense, so you can get through those stagnant moments rather quickly and get back on the train. There are moments where things are written in French and even sometimes in Greek or Latin and they aren't translated at all! In the case of the French and Latin moments, Sayers gives you an idea of the context/meaning, but in the case of the Greek, the reader is given no indication, nor is it written in English letters, so you can't type it into a search engine so it's hard to look up as well, which frustrated me.

Note: I was reading a review of this book on Goodreads--which is my favorite site for keeping track of my books, reading progress, etc, and looking at what other people have to say about a book I've read or am thinking of reading--and he said he was disappointed in how Harriet "moped" after Wimsey the entire book and how annoying it was. I have to completely disagree! I wonder how much said reviewer took into account the context of the book--i.e. the time period. I don't think you'll find that Harriet is this annoying female character who mopes after a man the entire book. I think what you'll find is a woman who's in love with a man, but no so in love with the usual dynamics between man and wife, especially in the early 1900's; she's an independent woman afraid of compromising her values for marriage. You can make your own judgment when you read the book, but that's my take on it; I'll leave the ending a surprise!

Overall rating: 5/5 stars! I think this novel delivers everything a mystery novel should and more: there's a lot of intrigue, a lot of confusion, plenty of humor, a good dose of history, a few thriller moments, and a healthy dash of romance. What more could you want in a novel? I really enjoyed reading it and I think you will too! If you want the full experience, read through "Strong Poison" and "Have His Carcase" prior to devouring this novel; that will give you all the history between Harriet and Peter and really deepen your understanding of the chemistry between them.

So, I'm sorry to say that my next novel will be yet another Dorothy L. Sayers' book. I know I haven't worked on the Wishbone Project in a very long time, but I'm running low on funds and I'm just not feeling any of the books I own that "Wishbone" covered! Plus I've checked a lot of Sayers' books out of the library and I need to get them done before they're due back! I promise I'll get back to the Wishbone Project soon and I hope you enjoy what I give you in between now and then!

What is everybody reading during this holiday season? Do you have a favorite Christmas book? Share in the comments below!

Happy Reading!
AJ